Download or read book How To Punch A Monkey written by Brian Scolaro and published by . This book was released on 2020-05-06 with total page 176 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Following his appearances on Conan and his Comedy Central special, Brian Scolaro releases his first book of his jokes, rants and musings. "How to Punch a Monkey" is a ridiculous journey through the mind of one of America's best underrated comedians. It contains his thoughts on topics like social media, death, being fat, sneezing, New York, sports, good-looking people, and the lighter side of his battle with multiple sclerosis, as well as nonsensical sketches like a conversation with his penis, the Ten Commandments writing session, an Old West Sheriff who pronounces the word "posse" wrong, and things never said by Mother Teresa. He goes from silly... I have self worth. I just don't use it. I finally had Pissghetti. It was disgusting. Frankenberry was the first openly gay monster. God must be tired of organ music by now. When I was a kid I went to John Cougar Melon Camp. It was awful. Two men in Hazmat suits just took away my pajama bottoms. I hope the guy who invented the beeping "put on your seatbelt" noise died in a horrible car crash. ...to dirty. "Tickle My B*lls Elmo." "Doesn't Aer Lingus sound like you eat somebody's p*ssy on an airplane?" "It's a "c*ck" when it's hard. A "d*ck" when it's soft. And a "pen*s" when you are at the doctor's office." Plus, a collection of little known facts about history. TODAY IN HISTORY: Aqua Man drowns. Charles Limbergh crosses the street. Gravy Boat sinks outside of Turkey. Intercourse, Pennsylvian is attacked by Masturbation, Ohio. Don't take our word for it. Check out what what these famous comedians had to say. "I've never seen Brian Scolaro not win over a crowd." - Jeff Ross "The funniest person alive." - Marc Maron "Brian has never not been funny a day in his life, so there is no way this book wouldn't be." - Ian Edwards "Brian is a masterful comic whose command of a joke was inspirational to me in my career." - Nikki Glaser "Brian has a very busy comedy mind, and the idea that he has corralled these thoughts into something we can hold in our hand is nothing short of a gift. - Tom Papa